I was just released from the hospital for the sixth time this year so it's kept me from being too active around here. I'd like that to change but it's hard when i feel like no one is really listening. I'd like to build a few meaningful friendships but that's asking acquire quite a bit through my writings alone.

In other news, I've been gettin' the run around from my doctors because they can't get to the root of my problem. I have Crohn's Disease and I have for nearly 9 years now and it's starting to get out of control. Fistulas, abscesses and sinus tracts aside, the hospital stays and constant infections have taken a toll on my mentally, let alone physically. And with surgery about to become unavoidable once my week supply of dilaudid runs out, I'm feeling really anxious, lost and scared. The infections are 'cured' when i'm discharged from the hospital, but between a week to a month later, I'm right back in there with more problems. Hopefully the fine specialists at Hershey Medical can knock out the problem without cutting out a good sized chunk of my intestinal tract. If it does come down to it, I think I may need more than physical therapy to recover. Once you get surgery on your abdomen, it's said to be "all down hill" from there. Losing more and more intestines is most inevitable after the first surgery. Going through this alone just makes it that much harder. Yes, I have friends and family to depend on, but that's not the same as a significant other to fully open up to and lean on and get that feeling of warmth and comfort.
i miss her.

I agree, really, really tough times are hard to cope with without someone in whom you can trust and really open up to. My wish for the world is that everyone have such a friend in whom they can trust and rely. Everyone needs a friend like that.


Also, does your hospital give all of their patients chocolate when they're discharged?
» invisible on 2011-07-09 01:53:46

wanna be my friend? lol.

chocolate? no. that's peculiar. lol.
i usually leave with a 12 pack of 20 oz cokes though. (I collect them from breakfast, lunch and dinner) :p
» ThisCharmingMan on 2011-07-09 09:48:51

I agree with invisible on the friend part. I know how hard it is to not have many who truly understands as my world is pretty much falling apart too but maybe not as severe as yours... yet.

*hugs* feel better. I find that sometimes NuTang is quite a good substitute for a significant other. You may not be able to get a physical hug or an instant reply but somehow someone would say something that would eventually make you feel better
» Nuttz on 2011-07-09 11:41:15

I'm not the person Nuttz mentioned. I can never figure out what to say. Just...it's so hard to really listen, with blogs. I feel like blogging is especially difficult to make clear and personal, because you're sort of writing just in a way that you understand, rather than saying things in a way the person you're talking to will get. Too many people to do that, you know? So you do your best and I think everyone takes away just a little too little.

I don't know. Anyway. I'm around. That includes any sort of chat, or whatever you may. Sometimes people just need to talk to someone new, right?

Also, I like your music.
» Unicornasaurus on 2011-07-09 09:34:43

well, it makes it a bit easier knowing someone, somewhere is reading this. it's so hard not to get depressed with all this happening. and i feel so alone. and emo because i usually don't talk about how lonely i am except the pain medicine they have me on really turns me into an open book.
» ThisCharmingMan on 2011-07-10 02:27:20

Oh jeez!
I feel awful!

I've been so crazy with stuff going on with me, I kinda stopped paying attention to everyone else. I know we would hardly speak, but rest assured that I've counted you as a friend, at least an online one.

I'm going to have to catch up on everything, but I'm sorry to hear about everything that's going on with you. I wish you the best!
» elessar257 on 2011-07-12 02:28:45

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