Tomorrow, tomorrow. is there always tomorrow?
Thursday. 9.1.11 10:14 am
After seven long months of a game of cat and mouse, the inevitable has finally fallen into my lap. I'm getting surgery tomorrow at 7:30 am and I couldn't be more nervous. To make the matter worse, my surgeon had to come in and rattle off a long list of risks.
The top concern? Death.
I understand it's not open heart surgery, but it's not as simple as an appendectomy, either. I just feel that with my luck over the past few years that one of these things on the doc's registry of deadly side effects may just happen to me. Now I know a lot of the things in my past are my fault and there are many, many things I regret. And if you know me, you know what that is and I don't think i can ever forgive myself for that.. I'm not sure if I believe in karma or something along the lines of that, but it does seem possible. My over all mentality has been declining for a while now, and my health just seems to be going with it. I guess there's no reason to really say "goodbye" because any day/minute/second could be your last, and if you lived your life that way, you'd never say "hello" again.. but I wish somethings were different... just in case. I can't believe that's all that was going through my head when my surgeon was telling me this, after all these years. It's quite sad really, but I just don't think anyone will ever really understand. It's not an obsession, or undying devotion, but more of a union.. a feeling of completion... and without it, i feel empty, a lackluster shell without any kind of spark. I've really been thinking about how much I probably need to see a psychiatrist before this whole thing, and I'm pretty certain that after tomorrow I will definitely need to or I may just fall apart completely. I'm wasting my life and my overall emotions.
Good luck tomorrow, You'll need it.
I'm... not really sure what else I can say, but I wish you the best and hope things get better...
» randomjunk on 2011-09-01 10:23:49
I hope everything will go well tomorrow and from then onwards
» Nuttz on 2011-09-02 09:38:29
I've been praying for you buddy.
Please post when you can to keep us updated. I hope everything goes as best as possible, if not better. Take care, my friend.
» elessar257 on 2011-09-02 10:58:16
I hope you're okay. Both physically and mentally.
» Unicornasaurus on 2011-09-02 05:33:38
I hope your surgery went well. And that things start to look up for you, both physically and mentally. *hugs*
» LostSoul13 on 2011-09-02 10:52:47
Praying for you charmingman. Seriously. I know I don't know much about what's going on - but still.
Can't wait to see you back on here a little healtheir maybe....
» Helena on 2011-09-03 12:35:01
what's wrong with you, buddy? Is it better now? I want you to be whole again! Mentally and physically and spiritually, my friend! I'm so glad you made it through your surgery.
» Zanzibar on 2011-09-03 03:01:15
Glad to know the surgery went well! Give us an update sometime! Later!
» elessar257 on 2011-09-04 02:46:32
how r u now?
» renaye on 2011-09-06 08:07:07
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