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...i thought the saaaaame thing. i'm a dirty, dirty boy.

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I stumbled into my bedroom, turned off the lights, locked the door, and plopped down onto my bed. It seemed as if time had stopped since I cocooned myself in the sheets and blankets in my room. The silence was becoming deafening until that small "rat-a-tat-tat" came from the other side of the door. I rolled out of bed to find my niece waiting there for me. Ella just smiled as she tipped a big cardboard box over, scattering toys all over the floor.

"I found a choo-choo!" she shouted.

I muttered, "You did?"

Ella brought a smile to my face as we sat and played in the sea of toys. I was in one of the worst moods I had ever been in because I just moved away from my friends, my family, and my home. I was Eighteen, so maybe I shouldn't have been taking it so hard, but it was such a dramatic change for me after living in one place my whole life. I was furious at my Mother for dragging me to this horrid place. I refused to speak to her at all that day until she told me she
needed to run back to the other house for the last few things.

"I want to go," I said.

I would have jumped on any opportunity to leave that God-Forsaken town, even if it meant being with the one person I disliked the most in the world at that very moment in time. The drive was long, but worth it.

"I'm staying here," I told my Mother.

"What? For how long?" she asked.

The truth was that I really didn't know how long I was going to stay. My friend Jimmy told me I could stay with him for the weekend, so that was the plan for now. We had a party that Saturday night. The party was suppose to be a "going away" shindig, but little did any of us know that Jimmy had an announcement to make. He discussed it with his brother, and they brother agreed that I could rent the spare room if I wanted it. My new life was just beginning. That Monday, Jimmy and I set off to my Mother's house to pack up my things and to tell my Mother the news. I was dropping out of High School, leaving my family behind, abandoning the new home that I had yet given a chance. Luckily I had a decent job working as a Landscaper for NSA or this transition would have been that much harder. I bought groceries, I bought necessities, and I bought alcohol.

Every weekend there was a party to celebrate something, whether it be a birthday or just another paycheck to blow. I had everything I wanted, everything I was scared of losing. I had freedom, friends, money, and luxuries, but zero savings. Why would I need savings when everything was working out so well for me already with the way I'm living my life? I went to work every day, so
I thought I was being a responsible adult.

Winter was a bad time for landscapers because we were all laid off for three months. I didn't add this in to the equation when blowing every paycheck I received, and this would be my down fall. I searched for jobs for weeks, full-time, part-time, even seasonal, but there was nothing within walking distance of the house. Without a car, job opportunities were scarce. I'd be broke in a month since my bank account was as empty as a church on Monday morning. How would I pay rent? How would I buy groceries? What about my luxurious life?! I took a job at a bait shop down the street. My paychecks were significantly smaller and I still wasn't able to put away any money. I liked eating, and I loved buying new things, but those things were hard to come by after paying my share of the rent. By spring I was ready to go back to work at NSA. I
did this for two years, until that following spring. Unbeknownst to me our contract is up for bids every two years. Well, this year was bidding time and I was officially selling fish bait from now on. Living on minimum wage, working full time, barely bringing home two hundred dollar paychecks made it a tough life. So I'd look on the Internet for jobs that I could take the bus to and
what I found pointed to the inevitable, I needed to go home.

I reluctantly packed up my bags and hit the road to go crawling back to my mother. With suitcase in hand, I rang the door bell to a house that I should have keys to. I apologized to my mother and told her about the trials and tribulations of those two years. She understand why I did the things I did though, she had lived in one place all of her life as well. It was a big change, but I
was working through it. I learned that I needed to grow up, to be responsible. Some people learn maturity just by how they are brought up, or by watching others, but I learned it from experience. Not only did I make mistakes, I made them over and over again. I thought things would work themselves out without any input from me. I had started a Journal when I was living with Jimmy. I wrote down everything. All the good, and all of the bad. And when I had gotten home, I had all of my mistakes laying in front of me, an upper hand most people do not have to go off of. I knew what I had done wrong, what I needed to fix. I knew that I needed to find a well paying job, start a savings account, find a car and go back to school. So I started a list. I broke it down into simplest terms and made sure that it was clear on what mistakes not to make this time around. I still have my faults here and there, but my experiences, my journal full of mistakes, and my list made getting my life back on track a great deal easier.

Two years may be a long time to find yourself, but it was worth it. I haven't felt so good about myself in a long time. I feel like I'm finally adult and ready to take the world into my own hands. Because of that extra time I spent with my friends, I still have two best friends from "home", a ton of stories, and a boat load of life experiences rolled up into one.

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sometimes you realize what's been keeping you down for so long was never worth feeling bad about in the first place.

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Stepping back into a class room, it's such a strange concept now.
It's been years since I've had to study, or do homework.
Or learning to be sociable again in that school setting.
But I know it's not going to be anything like the classes I use to clown around in.
I'm not that kinda person anymore, anyhow.
I'm ready for it.
Am I terrified? Pretty much.
I've always been so scared of failing at doing so many things so I never even try half the time. Let alone, I'm going to probably be oldest one in class because I've gotten quite a late start. I guess it's better to do it now than when I'm thirty, huh?

Life's going well though, things seem to be going my way. I've gotta decent Job with awesome co-workers, I'm single and on the prowl, I start school! and I've got a decent amount of savings for that car-o-mine. I think I might move to Gettysburg once I get a car and start going to school "full-time" while working a full time job. I'm hoping that I'd be approved for a transfer from my other job.

I just want to distance myself from my family because they've become far too much for me lately. It's like as soon as I started school they all had advice for me, or wanted something from me, and it's been like they are trying to take credit for it all? I have one person to thank for moving ahead in life and that's myself. If I hadn't wanted any of this, I wouldn't be wasting my time with it.
It's not like I'm even doing great things with myself.. Just the typical things I should have been doing years ago, so with reactions like theirs, I know how much I've been fucking up lately.

Dating? Eh. I've been on a few that I guess you could call "dates" even though we never determined whether they were or not. I just classified it as "hanging out" and we'd see where it'd go from there.. But boy were they all flops!
the last one was pretty cute, but she was just so dull. and I thought I was quiet! phew... when you're known as the "quiet guy" and you end up doing all the talking because the awkward silence is killing you?! you know it's bad! I'm glad we grabbed sushi because that was a hell of a dinner that I just wanted to end.. and luckily I got a phone call from a co-worker asking me to work that night so we had to wrap it up early. Now, did I really get that phone call? You be the judge.. but yeah, it's just not working out for me, I guess I'm far too picky.
And a guy of my stature doesn't really have "plenty of fish in the sea". I pretty much get a box of store brand fish sticks that you gotta pick through to find one that's even remotely edible.

Well, I'd probably go on and on but I have a comfy bed and the second season of Bones calling my name so I think I'll just relax before work. You'll be hearing a lot more of me though, I'll be writing more and more to try to refine my writing for my English 101 class.

Until later days..

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