i'm writing this in haste.

i don't know what happened today.
everything was moving so fast. i must be a lot edgier than i previously thought.
being away from her does make me irritable towards others.
but my mother, she can be so antagonizing. she over talks me and NEVER hears what i have to say.. so i raise my voice.. because she does it.. she can't ever just sit there and listen to what i have to say.. she talks when i talk.. every time... she never wants to be proven wrong..

i asked where my taxes were from my jobs from last year and she said she didn't have them. i assured her she had them because i didn't even open the two she said i received.. the next thing i know is she's pretty much calling me an idiot for not knowing where they were and i kept reassuring her she had them. and so i told her i was going to look for them... the next thing i know, she's breathing down my neck, telling me to get out of her things... i found one.

i said "see? i told you that you had them" and she didn't say anything. and she kept yelling to get out of her things.. so i started throwing things looking.. why? because she provokes me. and then a yelling match starts.. it's so hard to stay cool headed when she's so hard headed. i admit, i handled it completely wrong.. but she can't even admit she was wrong at all...
in the middle of our yelling match... BOOM.. i broke a picture. shattered glass.
she told me she wasn't going to tell me where they were because how i was acting.


there... she admitted she had them.
i calmed down and said "then why did we have to start this if you had them? you can't say you weren't going to give them to me earlier because i was trying to be civilized". she said [yelling] "i'm not giving them to you because of how you're hostile towards me!"

my brother's on his way.
i've been threatened to be kicked out.
i've had my other brother attack me.
i've been threatened to have the police called on me.

why?
because.. frankly.. my mother isn't a good mother..

Oh, mothers...

Isn't it illegal to keep people's mail from them? Especially tax-related mail?
» ikimashokie on 2007-04-10 04:36:42

I'm sorry.
I hope you get everything worked out.

And maybe moving will improve your relationship with your mother?
» Chloefoxx on 2007-04-10 04:37:16

Jeez how frustrating. Almost makes me think my parents are ultra good.
» randomjunk on 2007-04-10 04:38:09

Meh, she's still done it... Granted, it's not illegal for her to kick you out, but it's illegal to keep your mail...
» ikimashokie on 2007-04-10 04:51:41

oi.
it's hard to keep your cool and act rationally when someone is stubbornly wrong and won't listen to you. and starts yelling at you.

gaaaahhhh

hope things look up by the end of the week.
» invisible on 2007-04-10 06:36:24

Jeez.

Maybe it's time to look for your own place, no?

Either case, that sucks. But time apart from those family members usually helps out situations, I've noticed. Not always, but sometimes.
» elessar257 on 2007-04-11 11:34:24

can't always trust parents.

(i keep my taxes in a folder on my bookshelf.)

cheers,
sank
» thaitanic on 2007-04-13 07:47:16

Before my mom was diagnosed with hypertension, she used to be so super high strung that many of our encounters escalated much in the way that you described. It's much better now, but I can remember a time--before my mom became fully cognizant of her morbidity and mortality--when shouting matches followed by deafening silence were the mode for days at a time.

Things have calmed down in the last 7 or so years, but now I find myself flying into uncontrollable rages every once in a while and it makes me afraid because what if I become that person. I love my mother, but she knows as well as I do that she was a monster, and I don't want to be that. But some days, there's a beast inside waiting to get out. It's frightening.
» ranor on 2007-04-16 01:46:05

You update less than me
I'm guessing she isn't getting anything for mothers day. Hopefully you can move out come college time and get away from her.
» Dilated on 2007-04-23 05:03:52

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