so i sit here & just think.
i never really just relax & do nothing but think about one solid idea
& the more i think about it, the more i'm truly confused & i shouldn't be.
i know what's going on but i over think things & try too hard.
i should take it for what it is and accept that & be grateful.
i need something solid at this moment in my life and i really don't have anything like that.

i had a crush. a basic crush. & well, it got out of hand and went further than i wanted.
not in anyways that's ridiculous. just the fact that she wants to date me now & i don't think i want that.
in fact, i know i don't.
my hearts not in it, my souls not in it, my brain is even telling me this isn't right.
she's not what i need. we don't have that connection. she's not the kind of girl i can be sweet, caring & romantic with. i don't have that urge to write her letters or make her pictures or put together posters for her or some elaborate surprise to just see her smile.
i don't want that with her.
or just anyone.
not so soon.
not this moment.
i can't, it's too hard.
maybe some day, but that's not now, i thought i could handle it, but i was wrong.
i thought it would help, but i didn't know.

this journal was actually written so i'd understand it.
so i'm sorry if no one knows what i'm talking about.
but i also didn't see the need to make it private.
so have fun deciphering it.
c:

♥

Hrm. Posts just for yourself are always interesting. You'll come back in a day or two, and realize exactly what you're talking about.

I don't make posters or pictures or letters for Dave... maybe I should.
» ikimashokie on 2007-07-24 04:06:13

What a way to vent. Cool!
» KKama67 on 2007-07-24 04:36:06

I'm waiting for my decoder ring to come in the mail.

3 proofs of purchase + $4.95 s&h
» sphincterbutt on 2007-07-24 04:43:12

I'm a fairly good decoder, you know.

Also, your music selection is similar to mine, which makes me happy. =]
» alexsedotcx on 2007-07-24 06:13:24

if i tried to decode it i would do it incorrectly. therefore i assume if you wanted people to understand you would have just told them.
hope you are doing okay with everything slim.
» GooseGirl on 2007-07-24 07:16:48

I have no clue what your talking about but I know excatly what your talking about.. strange..
» lyndeep on 2007-07-25 08:21:38

I love baby smiley faces c:
I would recommend just telling her that you're not ready for anything at the moment. If she really cares, she'll understand. At least, most girls would.

At least you've realized you're not ready before you got yourself into a potential mess.
» invisible on 2007-07-28 05:53:19

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