okay. so it's 5.27am
the clock is basically ticking in my ear.
there is no clock, it's metaphorical.
i'm suppose to get up in 4 hours to go to an open house.
but how can i "get up" if i'm not asleep?
it's hard to sleep lately.
i don't know if it's the insomnia coming back or just the fact that i don't sleep comfortably in my own bed.

i need a job, this is getting ridiculous.
i sit & i'm jumpy.
i sit & i can't stop feeling as if i should be doing something better.
i can't help but think that times moving faster than i truly believe.

it's not a secret anymore after this, but..
i think secretly, that if i get a job i won't see her anymore.
we have the weekends, that's all.
nothing more. sometimes less.
but what to do when all jobs demand weekends from me?
i really need a job that can just understand this and hire me because i'm so amazing that they can't pass me up over a stupid thing like that.

but that's not going to happen.
people who hire employees should take stuff like that into consideration.
because if i have to work weekends, i don't see her.
if i don't see her, our relationship is obviously not going to work out.
& once it "crumbles", then i'd be a mess.
meaning i'd either not show up for work, or i'd have lousy work ethic.

so read this, & understand.


i really hate the way i'm writing this entry, but it's how it's flowing,
so i'll continue on with it.

I'm not going to complain much, because right now, that's the only thing that's bugging me.

+this heat.it's killing me. how can i sleep when i feel like i'm sitting in a sauna.

i don't think i ever really rant about anything that anyone gives two licks about.
but knowing one person reads this, it's worth it.
just so someone can say "i understand"


guess i didn't have much to say, huh?

Welcome back to the blogosphere.
Sometimes time can be cruel. There never seems to be enough of it to go around for everything you need (or want) to do.

But if you need a job, then you must get one. And if you want a relationship with that, then you just have to extra hard to find pleasure in the small pockets of time you can have together. You know that it won't be easy, but if you think your relationship is worth it (which you clearly do, judging from the entry), you owe it to yourself to try it.
» ranor on 2007-09-27 06:36:58

It has to be cold for me to sleep good.

Maybe you shoud get a job at a place that isnt open on sundays? Like an apartment complex or chick-fil-a. Then youd at least have that one day
» lyndeep on 2007-09-27 12:10:20

I know what you mean with the job thing.
You should talk with her about it, how you really need a job, but you're hesitant because you're worried about your relationship when you aren't able to see eachother as much. She'll probably understand where you're coming from, and you'll be able to talk, and work it out together.
Especially when making a decision that effects both of you, it's always good to discuss it before choosing. To at least have considered it together helps the relationship in the situation.

I know, 'cause I've done things without consulting the other, and it's no good for a relationship between two people who are serious about eachother.

Hope you figure it out soon - together! =)
» invisible on 2007-09-28 03:32:59

i like how people think we wouldn't talk about this babe. :)
i know it's hard, but we talked about all the options we have and how we can make anything work. so don't worry yourself with fears about us, because i'm not going anywhere!! i love you boo.
» GooseGirl on 2007-10-02 09:11:42

nice playlist you have there.
good taste in music my friend :)
» adreen on 2007-11-16 04:55:34

one person away from 666
cause i'm 66.59!
» rowenabautista on 2007-11-16 05:23:56

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