so

it's the last day in January. we're fully into this new year.
i believe I've had a breakdown but can't be quite sure.
there's a numbness in my brain but my stomach feels like a hamster wheel.
I've put myself out there, I've offered myself at minimum wage, i offered every single day i have.
they still don't want me.
it's becoming ridiculous. I've tried so hard and have nothing to show for it.
& no one can see how much I've changed, but i guess that's okay because I'm doing this for me.
i just wish I'd see one glimmer of hope.
i walk in with this valley girl persona, all giddy and "Nice to meet you" and nothing.
nothing works.
I'm even genuinely blissful if they're the same way to me. and nothing.

today, i rolled out of bed and knew what day it was. i was aware of everything going on today and I'm not sure i can do much now to stop any of it.
i guess what i fear the most is not really having someone believing in me.
it hurts, i guess.

tonight is going to be nasty here, the sleet is on it's way.
i guess my mood reflects.

::Hugs::
You seem to need a few big ones! Have you looked on your local craigslist or careerbuilder.com and maybe allretailjobs.com ? Best of luck!!
» lyndeep on 2008-02-01 01:14:51

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